In hindsight, the year was both good and bad.
Good because I realized many things about myself, strengths and weaknesses, and realizations that, made me more open to at least start to think, “I want to change, to reboot, to restart”. So I had setup an Emergency Fund just in case, and decided to really understand and do what I really want in my life (but I’ll get back to that later).
Bad (though not that bad, probably) is that I had thought to clear up some debt midway, only to get bigger debt later. Compulsive buying and using credit card is not good, even if I say to myself that I have the means to pay it one way or another.
There is also a midway, in that my efforts to “minimalize” my life and decide to focus on what to do have started, but they might have taken a bit longer than expected due to still current habits of bad time management, compulsive decisions and analysis paralysis.
Which brings me to the last minute lessons: I was always good at drafting a so-called plan, but stupidly not following it. It might be excusable if there had been some bumps on time and work that made me not follow it fully (like emergencies, etc.) but no, most of the time is spent on doing jack shit. I never really realized it or made me think of it that much until this season, when the year is ending and seeing that I have not really accomplished all plans that I had.
I always was thinking “eh, I can make time for this.” Admittedly I have had some time (sometimes significantly) but used for absolute jack shit. Fear somewhat set in as I was checking my list, and thinking “what should I finish? what should I prioritize? what should I do?” maybe the argument that at the end of the day I didn’t really know what I would do all along.
Also, while surprisingly doing jack shit, I had researched a thing on focus, since that should have been my theme this year (which I decided to continue on to the next year, with some modifications). I found a quote and a video on Steve Jobs and focus, and made me think a lot on my current actions and planning:
“People think focus means saying yes to the thing you’ve got to focus on. But that’s not what it means at all. It means saying no to the hundred other good ideas that there are. You have to pick carefully. I’m actually as proud of the things we haven’t done as the things I have done. Innovation is saying no to 1,000 things.”Steve Jobs
So, looking back, what I was doing was wrong; what I understood about focus was also wrong. In addition to doing jack shit, I was doing jack shit because I was overwhelmed by my plans to do, what to do first, that I cannot pick. Because I like them all. But true focus is to choose only a few. So now, I am trying to lessen my plans to things that are sustainable and realistic, and act on them for this new year.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all.